What to Do if Your Ex Stops Paying Child Support
Disclaimer Before We Begin
I’m not a lawyer or financial advisor. This article is for general informational and emotional support purposes only. Child support laws vary by state, so always check your local rules and consult with a licensed attorney or your state’s child support enforcement agency for legal guidance.
Quick Answer for Moms
If your ex stops paying child support, stay calm, document everything, and contact your state’s Child Support Enforcement Office immediately. Provide proof of missed payments, keep copies of your court order, and ask about enforcement tools like wage garnishment, license suspension, or tax refund interception. Avoid informal agreements that aren’t court-approved, and explore temporary financial assistance while your case is processed.
Why Child Support Matters … For You and Your Kids
Child support isn’t “extra money” or a “favor.” It’s a legal obligation meant to ensure your children have the resources they need to thrive.
- It’s about stability: Food, clothing, school supplies, rent, extracurriculars — all cost money, and missed payments can directly affect your child’s quality of life.
- It’s about fairness: You shouldn’t bear the entire financial burden when both parents are responsible.
- It’s about accountability: Court-ordered support ensures the non-custodial parent contributes to raising the child they helped bring into the world.
When payments stop, it’s not just a budget issue, it’s an emotional one, too. Many moms feel stressed, frustrated, and sometimes even powerless. But here’s the truth: you have legal rights and resources on your side.
Step 1: Stay Calm and Document Everything
The first reaction when your ex stops paying might be to send angry texts or confront them. While the frustration is valid, emotional reactions can sometimes make enforcement harder. Instead:
- Track missed payments: Use a spreadsheet, payment app records, or even a notebook. Note dates, amounts owed, and any partial payments.
- Save all communication: Keep texts, emails, voicemails, and social media messages about money or child support.
- Keep receipts for child expenses: School fees, medical bills, clothing, sports — this shows the impact of missed payments.
- Don’t agree to “off the books” changes: Any change to the payment amount must go through the court to be enforceable.
Step 2: Review Your Court Order
Find your original child support order. Look for:
- Exact payment amount and due dates.
- Method of payment (direct deposit, state agency payment portal, mailed check).
- Late penalties or interest clauses.
- Any cost-of-living adjustment clauses.
If you can’t find your order, you can request a copy from your local family court clerk or child support office.
Step 3: Communication ( If Safe and Possible)
Sometimes, missed payments happen because:
- They lost a job
- They had a temporary emergency
- Their payment method failed
If you have a safe, civil relationship, you can ask once what’s going on. Keep it brief, neutral, and in writing. Example:
“Hi, I noticed the child support payment for March hasn’t come through. Is there a delay I should be aware of?”
If they respond aggressively or avoid the question — stop direct contact and go straight to enforcement.
Step 4: Know Your Legal Options in the US
Every state has a Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSE) that can help. You don’t always need a lawyer to get started. They have powerful tools, including:
- Wage Garnishment (automatic deduction from paychecks)
- Tax Refund Interception (state & federal)
- Bank Account Seizure
- License Suspension (driver’s, professional, hunting/fishing)
- Property Liens
- Passport Denial (for arrears over $2,500)
- Contempt of Court Charges (can lead to jail time in extreme cases)
Step 5: Contact Your State’s Child Support Enforcement Office
Here’s a step-by-step guide:
- Find your state’s CSE office – Search “your state” child support enforcement.”
- Gather your documents: Court order, payment history, proof of missed payments, and any communication records.
- File a complaint: This usually means filling out a form online or in person.
- Follow up: State agencies can be slow. Keep calling or emailing until you have updates.
- Track progress: Ask for case numbers and written confirmation of enforcement actions.
Step 6: What Happens When Payments Stop?
If your ex ignores child support orders, they could face:
- Wage garnishment
- Seizure of assets
- Credit score damage
- Suspension of driver’s or work licenses
- Court-ordered community service
- Possible jail time (though courts try to avoid this if it prevents payment)
Special Situations & Solutions
If They’re Self-Employed or Paid in Cash
- Track their business activities (public social media, websites, business cards).
- Report tips to your CSE office, they can subpoena bank statements or tax records.
If They Moved to Another State
- The Uniform Interstate Family Support Act (UIFSA) allows states to enforce orders across borders.
- You can still file in your state, your CSE will handle the transfer.
If They Moved Out of the Country
- The U.S. has child support treaties with many countries.
- Enforcement can be slower but still possible through the federal Office of Child Support Enforcement.
Step 7: When to Get a Lawyer
You might hire an attorney if:
- Your case involves large arrears (thousands owed).
- The other parent is hiding income or assets.
- Your CSE office is unresponsive.
Low-cost legal help options:
- Legal Aid Society
- Law school clinics
- Pro bono lawyer programs
Common Myths About Child Support
- “If they lose their job, they don’t have to pay.”
– False. They must request a court modification, not just stop paying. - “If they see the kids, they can stop paying.”
– False. Parenting time and child support are separate legal issues. - “If I remarry, child support stops.”
– False. Your new spouse’s income doesn’t cancel your ex’s obligation.
Surviving Financially While You Wait
While enforcement happens, you may need short-term help:
- SNAP benefits (food stamps)
- Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF)
- Local food banks.
- Child care subsidies.
- Side income ideas: freelancing, selling unused items, virtual assistant work.
Step 8: Protect Yourself for the Future
- Request wage garnishment from the start so payments go through the state.
- Use your state’s payment portal…never cash payments directly.
- Update court orders when circumstances change.
State-by-State Enforcement Quick Guide
- California – Department of Child Support Services handles enforcement. They can suspend driver’s licenses after 60+ days of non-payment.
- Texas – Office of the Attorney General enforces orders. Passport denial starts at $2,500 arrears.
- Florida – Department of Revenue can garnish wages and seize bank accounts.
- New York – Supports income withholding orders; tax refund interception for arrears.
- Illinois – Can revoke professional licenses after 90 days unpaid.
Encouragement for Moms Going Through This
You are not alone. Thousands of single moms face this every year, and many successfully get the support their children deserve. The process can feel slow and exhausting, but every step you take builds a stronger case.
Remember: This is not about revenge, it’s about fairness and providing for your child’s future.
Join our Single Moms FB community to connect with other moms navigating child support issues. Share your story, get emotional support, and learn strategies that actually work.
Your voice matters. Your child’s needs matter. And you have the right to stand up for both.
